


Darling, just hold on

by ninike



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Alec, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Engagement, First Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forever, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, High School, How Do I Tag, Hurt Magnus Bane, I'm Bad At Summaries, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Kisses, M/M, Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss Friendship, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood First Meet, Mentioned Max Lightwood, Musician Alec Lightwood, Musician!Alec, Pain, Ragnor Fell Lives, Serious Injuries, Sex, Singer Alec Lightwood, Smut, Top Magnus Bane, Wall Sex, What Have I Done, alternative universe, date, fashion blogger Magnus Bane, love and sorrow, mentioned ligtwood parents, singer!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-04 13:43:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10279790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninike/pseuds/ninike
Summary: Alexander Lightwood never had an easy life. At early age he realised he loves music more than anything and had dreams about playing in big arenas with full of people until the moment his parents started controling the life he lived and forcing him back to the closet.Then came Magnus Bane the savior who helped Alec accepting himself the way he is and do what's right for him.But life is never that easy, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this fanfiction to my beautiful parabatri.  
> Thank you for helping me write this and saying your opinion.  
> I haven't written anything for 5 years so be gentle with me also English is not my native language.  
> Thank You Cami for checking my mistakes.   
> Come and yell at me on Twitter: [@malectraash](https://twitter.com/malectraash) if it hurts too much ♥
> 
> I do not own any characters in the fanfictions.
> 
>   
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> 
> Enjoy!

Alec Lightwood was four years old when he got his first guitar, however it was made out of plastic but that didn’t stop Alec. He loved pretending he was a big star playing an arena with full of people.After he celebrated his sixth birthday he started focusing on music in his free time. By the time he finished primary school he could play on 3 instruments perfectly. Robert and Maryse Lightwood always thought their eldest son would grow out of this nonsense, and turn away from music so he could join their family business. Despite every decision they made to control their son’s life - meaning they made sure Alec followed every rule and started studying business at a young age - he never ever stopped learning to play on new instruments. Apart from playing the guitar, piano and violin, he started taking drumming lessons. Alec also started singing, and his voice was heavenly. He used to sing though just not in front of people like he did in school plays. He always sang lullaby to his little sister, Izzy when they were young and she couldn’t sleep.Alec always followed his dreams, playing music, even if his parents always made sure to ruin his plans somehow. He thought he should feel happy that at such a young age he figured out what he wanted to be, a musician. But Alec felt left out.Especially when it came to his younger brother Jace, he was adopted at the age of 4 and grew up with the Lightwoods after his parents died in a fire. Jace was everyone’s favourite back then, but that never really changed. He was tall, blonde, with beautiful eyes and a handsome look. He was smart and intelligent. His parents always loved him more than their own children. They also wanted him to follow in their footsteps, but he made it clear from the beginning he never wanted to do that. They forgave him immediately and put more pressure on Alec’s shoulders.

Jace got this first girlfriend when they were on the second year of high school. Everyone loved the red haired girl Clary Fray.Alec never felt jealous of his brother, but he always thought life was messing with him. He started accepting the fact that he would never have someone by his side. That he would never be able to face the facts that maybe love wasn’t meant for him. _Maybe it was a punishment for something he did._ Or maybe he just let his parents influence him to think the way he was born was wrong and would only bring him suffering.Alec Lightwood knew he was gay from the moment he laid eyes on a boy when he was 13 years old. He hated himself for so many years, but he turned pain into art and music, and this way he needed less time to process his feelings. He came out to his sister and brothers when he was 15 years old, and a few months later he confessed it to his parents.

"Alec you are just a teenager, it will pass." His mother said while sitting on the couch taking deep breaths. The anger was shown on her face, but she tried to collect herself so she wouldn’t scare her son away. But as soon as Robert tried to calm her, she erupted like a volcano, and threw every nasty comment at Alec’s head. Saying he has to stop living the sinful life, and be responsible again. She said he was being silly and needed to rethink all of this, and then talk to his parents when his brain grew out again.Alec sighed and ran to his room and didn’t leave for days.

After a few weeks Alec was forced so far back into the closet he was nearly in Narnia. Maryse found him a blonde girl who was both beautiful and smart at the same time, soon to be a lawyer. They expected him to date her and marry her, that was until the day he ran into a glittery man in his last year of high school.That day was a turning point in the eldest Lightwood’s life.

Magnus Bane came fast into Alec’s life but he had a big effect on it. First he tried to avoid the man always dressed in colours and smiles, but after a while he gave up and let his guards down. Magnus brought back the side of Alec that had been pushed far, far away for a year now. Alec started playing music again and writing lyrics, and he soon started being himself again. Accepting the way he was born.

 "Alexander...how many times have I told you to stop being so sappy and saying thank yous. You made it clear how thankful you are for my precious self from day 1, and it has been a year now." Magnus smiled while he flipped the pancakes he tried to make for breakfast. Alec just smiled at him, and watched how gracefully the elder boy moved while he did such a normal thing. How his muscles showed while lifting the plate and how when he focused his tongue was out of his mouth just a little, showing he was focused on something.

Alec Lightwood realised who had inspired all those love song he was writing in the past 6 months.

He was in love for the _first time_.

 

A month later, Alec collected enough courage of the signs Magnus kept sending him to ask him on a date. And let’s not forget the pep talks he got from his siblings. He planned it out perfectly, how he would ask him to go out on a date. The day started just like every other day. Magnus made pancakes for breakfast, they got dressed, went to school, survived boring classes, and then Alec ran home to get his guitar and went straight to the coffee shop he played in. Magnus was there, just like always. He was dressed in one of his handmade T-shirt with Alec’s name on it, saying he was his number one fan. It always made Alec blush and smile shyly.Alec had a plan for every occasion he performed, but this time he surprised everyone with the change when he started playing the first accord from Can’t help falling in love by Elvis Presley. He looked straight into Magnus’ eyes with passion and love.The elder didn’t understand first what was happening. He didn’t know about Alec changing his playlist to something else. He looked back at Alexander when he realised what was happening. He gasped, and let a tear slip from his eyes.

_take my hand_

_take my whole life too_

_for i can’t help falling in love with you_

_like a river flows surley to the sea_

_darling so it goes_

_some things are meant to be…_

 

The music started fading soon, and Alec stopped singing. He stood up from his chair and walked down to Magnus, and he asked the question that changed their lives forever.

"Magnus Bane. Will you go out on a date with me?" Alec searched for his friend’s eyes. He started getting worried when Magnus didn’t show any emotion on his face. He thought that was it. Public humiliation. Nice. That was what Alec tried to avoid, but no...he just had to do stupid things like this. He nearly started panicking when Magnus stood up and hugged him close to himself.

"Yes." He whispered in his ear.

 

***

 

"Magnus. Have you seen my keys somewhere?" Alec shouted from the front door to his fiancé, who was packing in the living room.

Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane had been dating for 4 years when Alec proposed to him in the same coffee shop where he first asked him on a date. Only the closest friends were there and Alec’s siblings. Alec two years ago dropped his first album which didn’t make a big success, but was enough for a strong fan base. Alec was satisfied with this too, it was better than no one. Of course he was sad first because he wanted his music out in the big world changing people’s life, but maybe it wasn’t meant to be. He started doing charity work, and spending his Christmas with children in hospitals. He showed love to them because they needed it the most. Magnus was always next to his side. Alec wrote several songs for Magnus that always made his partner cry. Alec’s latest album aired not long ago and that brought him the attention he deserved, and soon he found himself on a six months long tour. Magnus Bane was always there. He followed his boyfriend even to the coldest places, because he supported him no matter what. He always made sure to attend the most important concerts, and show his love to his homesick boyfriend. He could travel anytime since work never held him back. Thanks to being a fashion blogger he could always write a new post about the latest trends on a 10 hours long flight. After the tour ended they decided to run away from reality for a while, and they booked a beautiful house in the mountains with breath taking landscape and peace. But before they could travel Alec had to go for a meeting with his manager...it was apparently urgent, so he knew he shouldn’t argue about this.

"Black coat, darling." His fiancé walked right in front of him, laughing when he saw that Alec was in that exactly coat he put his keys in. Alec sighed and pinched his nose because he was just too tired to realise his mistake. He hugged Magnus and gave him a peck on the lips, but it started turning into a heated kiss. Before Alec realised what was happening, he was pushed up against the wall, his lovers hands under the T-shirt he put on.

"I am afraid" Magnus said and pulled back " if we continue this you may never arrive to that meeting, or be late and we don’t want Lydia to be mad at us so..." Magnus gave him a light kiss and stepped away from him. Alec made sure Magnus will be in front of the studio in one hour so they could leave this long month behind them, and just enjoy each others’ company. After Alec left Magnus alone he gave their cat, Chairman Meow his food so he wouldn’t starve to death by the time Ragnor showed up to give him food again. He took the two suitcases down to the car he would go with.He left the house 20 minutes earlier to grab some coffee and food from the grocery for their 4 hours long journey to the mountains.

Magnus wanted to turn right, but the world faded to black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my beautiful beta who helped me with this chapter. I am really sorry I had to put you through that pain. I will make it up to you somehow.

Alec Lightwood never felt such a fear in his life before. His body was numb, the only thing that supported him was the wall right behind him. People’s movements became blurry, and he could barely make out the words the doctor tried to say. Alec’s world fell apart.

 

_5 hours ago  
_

“Okay so...Alec as soon as you are back from your holiday, you and Magnus needs to attend a charity event the next day.” Lydia said from the door as soon as she walked inside, without sitting down or anything. She was late like half an hour, but Alec tried to stay as calm as he could because he wanted this to end as quickly as possible.Lydia rambled all the events he had to attend the same week they arrived home, and the singer was already tired and sick of it. But he loved doing it, so he pushed all the negative thoughts aside and put on a smile.

“Now that was all I had to say and sorry for being this late. Boss was ordering me around. Also have fun with your lover boy up in the mountains, and use protection.” Lydia winked at him and Alec just rolled his eyes. Honestly, Lydia was more like a sister to him than a manager. They met on a fashion event Magnus dragged him to and became fast friends, and they spent every Wednesday together after that. Later, when she finished her studies, she got a job opportunity and became a famous manager, and when she heard about Alec’s dreams she ditched her current client to help him as much as she could. She was a part of Alec’s family now, and even though she was fun to be around, she was serious when it came to business, and could become really, really bossy when it was needed. All in all Lydia was nice, and also now engaged to his sister Izzy.

Alec walked outside, took a deep breath and looked at his watch. Magnus should be here in 5 minutes. He sat down on the bench and started playing on his phone.

20 minutes passed, but Magnus was nowhere to be seen and Alec started calling him, but the call went straight to the voicemail. Now he was getting worried. He started walking to the main road to catch a taxi, when he heard loud sirens. Alec took in his surroundings and saw there was a really big traffic jam, and no one could move. There were also smoke and a car upside down. Being his curios self, he started walking straight to the scene, and when he was getting closer he realised the car was just like Magnus’. It was black and the same type he had. His fingers clinched to his palms, making a fist, and he stopped breathing for a moment.

_“Please let it be someone else’s”_

He walked closer to the accident to see if the car had the same glittery effect on its side, and even though it was totally wrecked Alec could see that it was indeed Magnus’. He stopped breathing as soon as he realised what was happening in front of his eyes. His heart pounded quick in his chest, and tears started falling from his eyes. Everything slowed down. The only thing he heard was his rapid heartbeats. But before he could go on full panic mode, an officer came to push them further away from the crime scene.

“Officer please, let me go there. It’s my fiancé’s car.” Alec’s only hope was this man in front of him to get more information, so he tried to stay as calm as possible. The police man let him go, and he ran straight to the ambulance where a body was inside. Just before the ambulance man could get inside the car, he grabbed his arm and he turned to him.

“Sir you cannot be here”

“That’s my fiancé right there...please let me go with you” His voice was weak, and he gave up hope as soon as he saw the man’s sad face. The next thing he heard was the sirens, and the car was soon nowhere to be seen. Alec looked for his phone to call someone who could take him to the hospital, but his hands were shaking so much that he dropped his phone at least three times before he could dial Izzy’s number.

“Hey big bro, why are you calling? I thought you were already on your way to Brokeback Mountain.” Izzy laughed, but when she heard no sassy answer from her brother, she knew something was wrong.

“Alec...Is everything okay?”

“Izzy...Magnus....Magnus” He could barely say his name before the tears started falling from his eyes, and his vision became blurry. He was on his knees in no time, and started sobbing like the time he lost his favourite teddy bear when he was 4 years old. But this time it was about Magnus, and the pain was so much worse.

“Alec...Take a deep breath, and tell me what happen.”

“I don’t know Izzy. I have no fucking clue, and they didn’t let me close to him to see him, and I’m in the middle of a fucking street, and I need a ride to the hospital Izzy.”

“Hospital? Is Magnus in a hospital?” Her voice was so low it surprised Alec he heard it.

“There was an accident. That’s all I know” he whispered. Izzy gasped, and before she could start crying, she grabbed her keys and asked Alec where he was at the moment.

Alec was sitting on the pavement with his head in his hands and tears rolling down his cheeks.

This day started so perfectly. He woke up to Magnus singing in the kitchen while making breakfast. He sneaked behind him, and curled his hands around his body. The younger man gave a kiss on his fiancé’s neck, who started giggling. He nearly burnt the omelette because of the making out session they decided to have, but Alec didn’t care about that. Magnus was there, and that was the most important thing.

“Earth to Alec” someone was waving her hands in front of his face, and that pulled him out of his memories. Izzy was right there, looking like she had been crying the whole way to Alec. He jumped on his feet, and pulled Izzy to his chest. He needed an anchor right now before he went mad and starts throwing and punching things. Izzy held her brother while he was silently crying on her shoulders. It hurt her so much to see her brother like this. Alec deserved so much better. He had suffered so much in his life until Magnus came, and now life had to pull this act. And Magnus was now somewhere in the hospital, dead or alive. Izzy shook herself out of her thoughts. Her brother needed her more than ever now.

 

Alec and Izzy arrived to the hospital in 15 minutes due the traffic jam the accident had caused. Alec was breathing heavily, tears weren’t falling from his eyes anymore. He was too tired to cry. He didn’t feel anything anymore. He was empty. His love was somewhere in the hospital, probably fighting for his life, and no one had said a word to them. The doctors were running in and out of the hall, but no one stopped when they tried to speak to them. Alec started giving up that he will ever hear something from Magnus. Maybe he was already gone, the doctors just didn’t know what to tell him. He sighed, and sat down on the chair, while Izzy was standing beside him, a hand on his shoulders to show her support. Suddenly there was a loud noise from the door, and Alec could see someone tried to get inside but was stopped by a tall man. It was Jace. He was yelling at the doctor for not saying something to him. Alec wanted to stand up and ran to him, but all he could do was watch him and hope he would notice him. And he did. Jace opened the door, and rushed to them. He was asking Izzy if they knew what happened to Magnus, or when they could see him. And then he complained about health care.

“Others will be here soon.” That was the only thing Alec could make out from their conversation. But he didn’t even care.

“Alec...” Jace was on his knees now in front of Alec.”He is strong...he will be fine.” Alec started laughing. It was the type of laugh that made you consider someone’s mental health. It was loud and hysterical, and soon it turned into crying. And then the tears started falling again, and Alec thought they would never stop.

 

Two hours passed, and there was nothing about Magnus’ well being. Clary, Lydia, Ragnor and Raphael arrived an hour ago, asking for information, and before he would shout at them he got up and went for a walk. He was glad their friends were here, showing support, but God they didn’t help by saying everything will be fine. They didn’t see what Alec did on the road. The car was wrecked so much he could barely even recognise it. It would be a miracle for Magnus to be alive. Before his thoughts could smitten his mind, he walked back to Izzy’s side and held her hand while waiting.

Alec had flashbacks while waiting for another two hours. He even fell asleep for half an hour, and dreamt of his first date with Magnus. It was in a beautiful Italian restaurant near Alec’s apartment. There were candles and music. And it was the most romantic night Alec ever had. They laughed, talked and kissed the whole night, making up for the two wasted years being only best friends, and not realising their feelings sooner. Although Magnus always knew he loved his best friend. He tried to deny it several times, even to himself, but he knew he was just pretending. He fell in love with Alec as soon as he laid eyes on his angelic face and beautiful hazel eyes. Then he remembered that the night didn’t exactly went as planned. They decided they would go slow and start from the beginning, but they ended up in Alec’s apartment. Magnus, pushed up against the wall, and Alec kneeling in front of him. They didn’t take things slow. Alec smiled at the memory.

“Are you Magnus Bane’s relatives?” a grey haired doctor asked. As soon as Alec heard the name he was on his feet.

“I am his fiancé.”

“Mr...?”

“Lightwood”

“Mr. Lightwood your fiancé suffered a car crush. We were fighting for his life for several hours...” Alec’s heart stopped beating. “Thankfully we managed to bring him back, but he is in a coma currently, and we don’t know when he will wake up. He striked his head against the steering wheel, which caused him brain injuries, that’s why he is in a coma right now. The crash caused him several broken ribs and collapsed lungs, also his right leg is broken.”

Alec couldn’t speak. He was just staring at the doctor with wide eyes, tears falling down his cheeks and he nearly fainted. Raphael was the one who spoke instead of him.

“When will he wake up?”

“We don’t know. Maybe a week, a month, maybe never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was full of angst and pain and so will be the next chapter but i will make it up to you in chapter 4 I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for betaing my beautiful parabatai.

_I'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all my childish fears_

 

Two weeks passed since they brought Magnus to the hospital. Two weeks ago Alec’s world turned upside down, and he couldn’t even do anything about it. For the first three days, he never left Magnus’ side. He was always right beside him, hoping this would be the day his eyes would open, but that day never came. Two weeks passed and nothing changed. His fiancé was still in a coma and the doctor who kept visiting him every morning didn’t give him anything positive. Izzy arrived around noon when Alec was silently asleep next to Magnus bed, holding his lover’s hand. She was looking at Magnus now...like really looking. It was still her soon to be brother-in-law on that bed. But instead of him looking young and beautiful, Magnus Bane now looked wrecked, like someone sucked out all of his blood making him so pale. If Magnus could see himself, he would make a nasty comment about it. Izzy felt sick for the first time in three days. She felt dizzy and tears started falling from her eyes. She tried to hold them back, she tried but failed so bad.

Alec woke up to the noise someone made in the room and he hoped so much it would be Magnus, but as soon as he saw someone’s shape next to himself he realised nothing had changed. Izzy grabbed her brother’s shoulder and her heart clenched when she saw the hope on his face that turned into misery in less than 5 seconds.

“Jace is waiting outside for us. We will go home, you can have a shower, eat something and then we will bring you back here, okay?” Alec could only nod. He didn’t want to leave his lover’s side, but he had to face the facts that showering is really needed, so he stood up and followed his sister to the parking lot. Jace gave him a nod and a little smile but he didn’t say anything else. They travelled home in silence.

 

_And if you have to leave  
I _ _wish that you would just leave_

Another three weeks passed by and Alec was still sitting beside his unconscious fiancé, holding his hands and praying for him to be awake when he next opened his eyes, but nothing happened. The monitors were still beeping, showing he was alive, just in a coma. The doctor still visited every morning. It was always the same. Izzy would come to see them every second day, then taking Alec home to shower and change and eat something but he never touched his food. They always ordered from their favourite restaurant but he just kept pushing the food with the fork. Izzy was watching him with a sad look. It was on the fourth week when more than one month passed, that Alec gave up hope. He felt selfish for keeping Magnus here, when clearly he wanted to be gone. Alec felt pain in his chest when he started opening his mouth. It was painful to say those words he planned to, but maybe Magnus needed to hear this. Maybe he didn’t need his singings, maybe he needed this. He held his hand while he bent closer to him, whispering in his ear:

“I won’t be selfish Magnus, if you...if you want to let go...do it. Let go Magnus, if that is what you want. I know how stubborn...” his voice sounded so weak and full of tears “you can be, but you don’t have to. I will be fine. Everything will be fine” He kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes, waiting for a sign.

Magnus never gave up on anything, not even on Alec when he should have, and he started hating himself for giving up on Magnus.

  
_'Cause your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone_

 

Alec was currently eating in their kitchen with Jace and Izzy by his side. They brought him home again. Alec finished showering a few minutes ago and he put on his favourite oversized black T-shirt, which was way bigger than he remembered. That’s when he first looked in the mirror after five long weeks. His hair was so long he could barely see for it, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like a real life zombie. He lost a lot of weights thanks to not eating anything but massive pain in these weeks. He started to see why everyone looked at him with worried facial expressions. He felt sick of people looking at him with pity in their eyes. He didn’t need that. He already felt shit for letting this happen to Magnus.

He went through every kind of emotion for the past 5 weeks. He felt pain, sorrow, love, hope there was a new feeling every day and it made him mad because he hated them. He hated sitting there, but he hated being home too. He despised going to the grocery, or shopping in the mall no matter how much Izzy begged. He saw Magnus everywhere. Every place reminded him of his lover, his soul mate. Especially their home. He looked behind himself and saw the clothes Magnus probably throw out of the wardrobe while packing into the suitcase. Magnus’ scent was all over the whole house and it made him go crazy. He started imagining him right next to himself, he felt his touch on his shoulder and he just started crying so loud it hurt his own ears. Next thing he knew was that his knuckles connected with the wall, and he started punching it until there was a big hole in it. After he felt the pain run through his body, he grabbed the vase from the table and threw it at the wall. The pieces fell on the ground just the exact same time Jace opened the door and ran straight to him to hold him down.

He started crying even more.

Izzy entered the room after Jace and saw the blood on the wall, the shattered vase, and her blonde brother holding Alec down. The scenario was so painful tears started filling her eyes and before she could say anything Alec looked up at her and said: “ Can I stay with you and Lydia?” She couldn’t say anything, just nodded.

 

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
there’s just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

 

Alec was sitting at Lydia and Izzy’s couch when memories rushed through him after a tiring day. 

It was their first fight in their long years of relationship. It was over something stupid he couldn’t even remember now. But he knew Magnus made him sleep on the couch for the first time ever.

_He felt so bad he didn’t even try to stop his boyfriend, he just went to sleep on the couch after throwing nasty things at his head. It was around 4 am when Alec was woken up by a loud scream coming from their bedroom. He was up on his feet as fast as possible and rushed to their bedroom, afraid what would welcome him. Magnus was tossing and turning in bed, having the worst nightmare of all time. It surprised and scared Alec so much because he knew about these dreams and witnessed a few, but he thought they stopped, or at least that was what his boyfriend told him. Alec went closer to the boy and started hushing him and singing a lullaby while holding his hands and that made a difference. Magnus stopped turning and relaxed when he heard Alec’s voice. The lad pulled up the covers, and sneaked behind Magnus to cuddle him. That’s when he woke up and looked at Alec with a worried expression._

_“You were having a nightmare. I am so sorry” he whispered._

_“Never sleep on the couch again” his voice was weak and he had tears on his cheeks, he probably cried in his sleep._

“Alec, the dinner is ready. Come and eat.” came the voice from the kitchen. Alec sighed and joined the two girls.

 

 _You used to captivate me by your resonating light_  
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

That night Alec dreamt of the first time he bumped into Magnus on a rainy school day. Those green eyes coloured with yellow brightened his entire day, and soon his entire life. They were inseparable since Magnus first started talking to him. He then dreamt of the first time they kissed, it was in the Italian restaurant, candles around them and soft music playing in the background. It was beautiful and romantic.

Then came the first time he said ‘I love you’ to him.

Magnus was half naked, running around in the kitchen looking for the supplies he needed for the muffins he wanted to make for dinner, when Alec joined him. He just sat on the counter looking at his lover running around, talking to himself and blaming Alec for putting away something he needed, when it slipped out of his mouth. Magnus dropped the plate from his hands and looked at him for several minutes. Alec started worrying he maybe said it too soon, but then next think he knew was that Magnus rushed to him and kissed him messy but full off passion saying ‘I love you’ back.

 

Alec woke up right after that dream he had. It hurt him so much because he could feel Magnus` presence in his dreams and hearing his voice. Alec thought he would go crazy if Magnus wouldn´t wake up any time soon. He took a deep breath, and then started singing the first song that came to his mind. He sang every night to Magnus, just like he always did when his lover was awake.

“ _Wise men say, only fools rush in...” “ But I can’t help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can’t help falling in love with you?”_ tears started falling from his eyes while he tried to sing the song perfectly just for his Magnus. “ _Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life, too....for.....”_ he suddenly heard a silent noise from the bed, and felt Magnus fingers closing around his. He reared his head and tears started falling from his eyes, heavier than ever when he saw Magnus tried to move his mouth:

 _“I.....can’t....help....falling...in.....love....with...you”_ it took him several minutes to say these words and Alec could only cry, but this time from joy. He jumped up from the chair he was sitting on, and hugged his lover to his chest. He felt home again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter for Ash. I hope you feel better soon my marshmallow!! xx
> 
> Thanks for the beta thing Cami. You are the best!! xx

Alec was sitting in front of his lover’s room, waiting for the doctor to come out. As soon as he let go of Magnus after he woke up, he rushed to call the doctors so they could examine him. Alec was sent outside, so he tried to sit patiently in the chair waiting for the results.

“Alec...Alec....” came his name from the doorway, and Izzy came rushing in with Jace and Clary by her side. They had worried looks on their faces.

 

Izzy got a message from her brother 10 minutes ago saying they have to come to the hospital as fast as possible, and she dropped the phone. She started visualizing all the situations she would see her brother in. Alec crying on the floor. Alec punching the wall. Alec being taken away by a security guard. Alec collapsing in front of Magnus’ door, while they were fighting for his lover’s life. Izzy felt tears running down her cheeks, and when Jace noticed this he wanted answers from his sister, but she waved no with her head and just grabbed her keys and rushed to her car. Just when she was about to get in, Jace stopped her.

“You can’t drive like that.”

“I am an adult...I know what I can and can’t do, so if you’ll excuse me.” Izzy pushed Jace further away from the door and got into the car, but she was shaking so bad that she couldn’t even insert the key to its place. She sighed loudly, and got out of the car so Jace could drive.

They arrived to the hospital 15 minutes later, not caring about missing at least 2 red lights or the speed limit. Izzy was the first one who rushed through the door and saw Alec sitting on the chair with tears in his eyes, looking at the door. And it broke her heart.

“Oh Alec...” his sister whispered and knelt in front of him, circling her arms around his body in comfort. Alec didn’t understand why they had such sad expressions on their faces. Izzy was wetting his T-shirt.

“I am so sorry man...” Jace put his left hand on his shoulder and looked at him with tears in his eyes, and that’s when he realised he didn’t really explain why they had to rush to the hospital. So before anyone turned into a crying mess on the floor, he stood up with Izzy in his arms.

“He made it guys...” tears of joy started falling from his eyes.

“What?” Izzy pulled back from her brother’s hug, looking up at him with wide eyes, processing the sentence he just said.

“He is awake.”

Clary was the first one who broke down and started hugging Alec while crying and thanking life it gave back Magnus to them. Jace was the next one who hugged Alec, and even though he tried really hard not to cry a few tears ran down his cheeks, and Alec could only smile. Izzy was the last one who circled her arms around the elder Lightwood, not letting go until the doctor opened the door to Magnus’ room. The siblings didn’t let go of each other, even when the doctor turned to them with a smile on his face, informing them about Magnus’ state.

“Magnus is out of coma thankfully, but he will be here for another 3 months or so probably. He is a really strong man. You are lucky to be his fiancé” the doctor chuckled, while looking at Alec.

“I am the luckiest.” He said and smiled.

“When can we see him?” Izzy asked so impatiently Alec thought she would push them away from the door and ran to Magnus. That would be so Izzy. But instead Alec hugged her stronger, making sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“You can go inside, but be patient with him. Try not to make him speak that much. He just woke up, and even though he remembers everything before the accident, it may have caused a trauma somewhere deep down in him, so just be gentle.” Alec tried to focus on the good thing that his love was alive and breathing, but the fact that he had another trauma to process...it was just too much, because Alec knew what that meant. Nightmares. And nightmares were never easy for Magnus.

 

“Magnus” Izzy rushed into the room in her high heeled shoes, and when Magnus saw her he smiled. Even though he wanted to say something to his friends he couldn’t open his mouth, so he just laid back and listened to all the things that happened in the word while he was in a coma. Izzy, his favourite Lightwood, after Alec of course, talked about fashion and the latest trends and how they should organise a trip to Paris during Fashion Week, and he smiled at the idea, nodding. After Isabelle it was Jace who rambled about nonsense things like movies and series they were both interested in, and Clary just talked about art and music in general. By the time the clock hit 5 pm Magnus was tired and wanted to sleep already. Seeing this, Alec kicked out all the other members in the room who where only laughing, but they hugged Magnus and went home.

“You...you should go too” the elder man said, looking at Alec with sleepy eyes.

“I will stay.”

“The...doctor...said...” He took a deep breath. “You barely left my room....so...you must be really...tired.”

“Magnus...sleep. I will be here when you wake up.” He gave him a kiss on his forehead, and then sat down on the familiar chair next to Magnus’ bed and they fell asleep holding each other’s hands.

 

The next morning Magnus was the first one to be up. He slept through the entire day without waking up, and apparently so did Alec, who was lightly snoring in his chair. He looked so beautiful even though Magnus was sure he lost a few kg in this two months period. But he was still the most beautiful man Magnus ever laid eyes on, and he was so lucky to be his partner. The sun shined through the windows, making its way towards Alec’s face and the man snored loudly, then turned his head to the other side so the sun wouldn’t bother him anymore. Magnus’ smile grew wider.

An hour passed, or maybe more, when Alec started opening his eyes letting out a loud moan, probably because he was sitting in a quite uncomfortable position.

“Good morning my love” Magnus said, and held his hand out for Alec to hold it.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You were sleeping so peacefully. When was the last time...you slept?” Alec lowered his head and starred at the ground. Magnus touched his cheek with his hand and made him look up.

“According to my doctor you were here always, barely sleeping or eating.”

“Magnus...”

“I am awake now Alexander...” Oh god how much he missed being called Alexander.” You can go home, have a shower, eat, and then you can maybe come back...but I will make sure Izzy is there and looks after you.” He chuckled because he knew his fiancé would probably skip the eating part and just go home, shower in 5 minutes and then be here again.

“I missed you so much.” He wanted to say something else, like how pointless it was to worry about him when Magnus was the one in the hospital. Maybe Alec was a singer and a song writer, but even he couldn’t find the words to say after his lover being so close to death. It scared him, and those 2 months of hell still lingered in his mind.

“Oh darling...”

“It was so hard Magnus...” He tried to hold back his tears, he tried so hard, but they were running down his cheeks. Magnus tried to wash them away with his fingers, but he knew after a few minutes Alec needed to let all these out, so he waited for him to continue.

“Seeing you like this...You were always so cheerful and sarcastic, and it was so painful to see you without moving. Looking so pale. It was scary.” He whispered. “I lost my mind so many times and yelled at people. There is a big hole in our bedroom wall because I couldn’t stop seeing you anywhere I went, and I just punched the wall until my hand hurt. I have stayed at Izzy and Lydia’s for a few weeks by now. It wasn’t home without you.” Magnus wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. Seeing Alec in such a pain made his heart fall into million pieces, and he just cried with Alec. Letting out all the emotions they held in.

  

**3 months later**

 

Magnus sat up in his bed impatiently, waiting for Alec to bring his clothes from the car. It was his last day in hospital, and he wanted to go home so much he nearly went outside in his pyjamas. He hated hospital so much he never wanted to visit again, but the doctor made sure to inform them that Magnus had to come at least once a week to see if everything goes all right with him. Magnus just sighed and rushed Alec outside to his car. Honestly, he hadn’t seen any glitter in like three months on himself, and he started showing serious withdrawal symptoms. Alec was laughing at him for like five minutes before he did what Magnus wanted.

“Thank God...”

“It’s just Alec.” He smirked when Magnus touched his silk shirt and hugged it to himself. His love was so weird sometimes, but he loved every moment of it.

“Alexander we have no time for jokes...” And with that sentence Magnus rushed to the bathroom, but carefully since his leg was still in pain because of the broken bones he had. Thankfully it healed fast, so now he could walk outside without Alec supporting him. He hated to be depended on his lover so much for those few weeks before he could walk.

“And here is the man we all adore and love.” Alec put away his phone when he stepped outside, and a smile formed on his face. He brought the clothes Magnus had asked for, his favourite blue silk shirt, black jeans and jewelleries. He looked so stunning that Alec couldn’t control himself, he walked up to his lover, kissing him full on the mouth, but before it could get too passionate, Izzy interrupted them.

“Now...now...keep the tongues in your mouth lovebirds.” She hugged both of them and looked at Magnus. “My brother-in-law is back in shape and you got your colour back, you are not as pale as Alec anymore.” Alec just rolled his eyes, and went to grab Magnus’ bag.

“Thank you, my dear.”

“Thanks to Lydia there is no one outside the hospital, so you can go home in peace.” Izzy said while they walked outside their room, saying goodbye to the nurses and Magnus’ doctor. Alec felt relived. He didn’t want to put Magnus in a situation where he would feel uncomfortable. And clearly after waking up from a coma and spending 3 months among 4 walls, getting into a big crowd, thanks to Alec’s popularity, was a big no no.

“Thank you for doing all of this.” When they got to Alec’s car, they waved goodbye and went on their separate ways.

 

* * *

 

Magnus felt pain in his leg when he tried to get out of the car, and even though he tried to hide it, Alec saw everything. So as soon as they were both out, Alec picked him up in bridal side and Magnus yelped.

“Alexander...put me down, I can walk” He tried to hit his chest with his palms, but Alec’s warmth made him lean into the boy’s body and wrap his hands around the younger one’s neck.

“Sure you can.” He whispered, and then went to open the front door. After a few tries, he managed to open it while still holding his love in his arms. Alec dropped the keys on the floor and took his shoes off. Then he went straight to their living room so he could put Magnus down on the couch.

“You stay right there, I will bring in the bags and then we can watch Netflix.”

“...and chill.” Alec shook his head. Magnus was unbelievable. He had an accident a few months ago, but that sure didn’t affect his sex drive. He made jokes like this all the time, but Alec always ignored them after a few tries of telling Magnus he had to recover and not have sex. Magnus just rolled his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Magnus was watching his favourite TV show for two hours by now, while Alec was cooking in the kitchen. He wanted to stay with his boyfriend, but he was so hungry he had to go and make pasta for himself.

“My marshmallow, can you bring me some popcorn?” Magnus asked from his spot, but he got no answer so he looked up, and his boyfriend stood next to the couch, looking at him with a weird expression.

“What?” He asked.

“You called me...marshmallow?” Magnus still wondered after so many years how he was still able to make his love blush with a single nickname.

“Yeah I did...and it’s cute. I’ll keep it” He smiled up at him. “And since you won’t let me stand up, bring me some popcorn while I tweet your new nickname.” Magnus reached for his phone to type in this little cute name he had for Alec from now on, when Alec stopped him.

“I’m sure you calling me a marshmallow will make them faint so...”

“Darling, your fans will survive...” He just sighed and went back to the kitchen to make the popcorn for him, but when he arrived to the kitchen his phone started beeping like crazy. Alec went to check his notifications, and there were tons of mentions and tweets on Twitter saying how glad they are for Magnus being okay and home now. After the accident Alec cancelled every concert and interview he needed to attend to, and he disappeared for like two months while Magnus was in a critical condition. Alec didn’t write any new songs in that short period. He hide so good no fans saw him during this dark time of his life, and they all were worried about what happened. They were worried about both of them, since Magnus disappeared as well. In the end when things got out of hands, and fans made theories that were horrifying, Lydia made a statement on social media, telling the truth about Magnus well being and asked them to give Alec some time to process all the bad things that currently happened in his life. And the fans understood. They knew how much Magnus meant to Alec, they were open about their relationship, Alec even wrote a song about their journey from friends to being lovers.

Magnus was Alec’s muse, he inspired him and when he woke up from his coma he purred his heart onto a paper one night and wrote at least five new songs.

Alec felt alive again.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the third day of Magnus being home again, curled up by his side, enjoying the heat of his lovers body, when Magnus started moving in his sleep. First it was slight movements, just turning around in bed, mumbling something Alec couldn’t make out. A few minutes later he stopped moving and started snoring, just like he always did when he was lying on his back. Alec took a deep breath and tried to fall asleep again when he felt his love tossing and turning around again. But this time it scared Alec to death, because soon a loud moan left his lips when he started saying Alec’s name. And no matter what he did, Magnus didn’t wake up from his nightmare, and he just had to witness his love being in so much pain. Alec tried waking him up, talking to him, and in the end he came up with the last thing he knew, a lullaby.

 _If I_ _lay here  
__If I_ _just_ _lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
  
I __don't quite know_  
How to say  
How I feel  
  
Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough  
  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

After the first few lines of the song, Magnus body stopped moving and he could lay closer to him, putting his arm carefully on his waist, pulling him closer to his own body. Alec started stroking Magnus’ hair with his fingers while singing the lullaby right next to his ear. A few minutes later Magnus started breathing normally again, and Alec could fall asleep too.

2 hours later he was woken up again by Magnus’ movements, and when he opened his eyes he saw his boyfriend sitting up in bed with a loud scream of his name.

“Magnus...I’m here...” Magnus flinched under his lover’s touch, and this broke Alec’s heart.

“I’m here Magnus. You are okay.” He hugged him to his chest, and stroked his hair. Magnus grabbed his arm so hard it hurt Alec, but he knew the elder boy needed to feel him by his side, knowing he was right there with him.

“It is okay.” he whispered in his ear, giving a kiss on his cheek. Magnus breathing started slowing down, but the tears were still there in his eyes, falling down on his cheeks. He looked up at Alec with a sad smile and kissed him so gently, it reminded the Lightwood boy of their first kiss.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked after the kiss, but Magnus just shook his head. “Maybe we could try to go back to sleep?” This plan was also a failure, since Magnus didn’t want to go back to his dreams, so they ended up watching a Disney movie on Netflix. Magnus all curled up next to Alec, kissing his jawline sometimes to make sure he is right there with him. Alec fell asleep in the middle of the cartoon, leaving his lover alone watching Netflix.

 

* * *

 

Alec woke up in the morning around 6 am, but thankfully this time by himself and not by a screaming Magnus. The laptop they were watching the movie on was on the bedside table, and Magnus was snoring right next to him. He carefully got out of the bed, and walked outside on the balcony, enjoying the morning sun on his pale skin. It was a long night for him, and waking up around 6 am wasn’t helping him either. He was thinking about all the things he needed to do today, and he felt like staying in bed right next to Magnus and taking care of him, but he needed to do his job. He asked Lydia to go easy on him for at least a week or two, so they would only have a meeting today, and then Alec would record a song for his new album. He already felt tired just by thinking of it, and he was sure he needed at least two mugs of coffee before the day started.

 Magnus woke up to a cold bed, he nearly started panicking when he laid eyes on his boyfriend standing outside, enjoying the morning sun hitting his skin, but he was deep in thoughts. Magnus wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he tried to figure out what happened during the night. After all the elder man didn’t say anything to him, just ended up watching a Disney movie on his laptop while kissing his lover who fell asleep around the middle of the movie. Magnus didn’t remember when he put his laptop aside and fell asleep again, but thankfully he didn’t wake up screaming. He felt tired, and his head hurt a bit, so did his injured leg, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

He stood up from the bed, putting on his cardigan, and joined Alec on the balcony.

 

Alec was still outside, deep in his thoughts, when he felt two arms wrapped around his body and a chest right behind his back. He leaned back, enjoying the warmth coming from his boyfriend. He had missed these mornings so much while Magnus was in the hospital.

“Sorry for waking you up two times.” Magnus said and kissed his back before he turned around.

“Do not ever say sorry for that...you know that.” He brushed Magnus’ hair out of his vision and saw he wanted to say more, so he closed his mouth waiting for him to continue.

“I...I...had a nightmare....about the whole accident, but this time it was different...I was the outsider, and you were the one in the crash, and I couldn’t do anything, and it was bloody and messy and I saw you there in the car with a broken look, and  I couldn’t help...and you... you.” Magnus didn’t need to say more for Alec to understand. He just hugged him tight, making sure he felt he wouldn’t leave his side anytime soon.

“I have no idea how you could hold on while I was in a coma, but you are so strong Alexander and I am so proud of you. I love you Alexander.” He whispered the last sentence, but Alec could still hear him.

“I love you too, Mags.” How he missed being called Mags.

 

* * *

 

After their morning coffees, Alec made sure Magnus took his pills and Izzy was on her way to their house so she could take care of Magnus. The elder man tried to convenience his love that there was no need for Izzy to be here, but Alec was stubborn.

“Isabelle, my favourite Lightwood.” He said while hugging her.

“I thought that title belonged to my brother.” She giggled, and Alec just rolled his eyes while he put on his T-shirt and jacket.

“Well even though that body is to die for, he went to the second place after treating me like a child.”

“My brother has that special power to...”

“Guys...I am literally standing right beside you?” Magnus ignored him though and turned around to pet Chairman Meow, who sat on the table in the living room.

“Please keep an eye on him. Yesterday I caught him gardening outside, even though he should be resting.” He tried to whisper, but of course his boyfriend heard it.

“That’s because you are no fun Alexander.” Alec just rolled his eyes and grabbed his keys, kissed Magnus goodbye and hugged his sister.

 

Alec left the house 20 minutes ago and Magnus started getting bored again, leaving no choice than making a sandwich for himself and his babysitter Isabelle. He wanted to scream from boredom, but that wouldn’t help his situation, so he just shut up and joined Izzy watching a fashion show.

“I know he is a pain in the ass...but he is just scared, Magnus.” She spoke suddenly, making him focusing on her instead of the series they were watching.

“I know dear, but he can’t keep me locked up in here for eternity.” He put down his plate, turning to his soon to be sister-in-law.

“That’s for sure. But he just got you back...I know you have been awake for like 3 months now, but he still didn’t get over the fact that you nearly died. He still can’t believe you made it through.” The pain in her eyes was so visible, Magnus felt it too. It was hard for his friends and family, he knew that so well, but locking him up wouldn’t change the past; it would only make him depressed, focusing on the past instead of planning the future and living in the present.

“How about, we go out to the mall and buy some ice cream so we can watch romantic movies and cry?”

“Sounds good.” They stood up, and Izzy drove them to the closest mall. They bought at least 3 cans of ice cream, and when they went home they started watching The Notebook.

 

* * *

 

After 5 months of break from his music career, Alec felt tired recording his new songs for 2 hours long because there was always something that didn’t click, but in the end he finally made it and he was able to go home to his boyfriend and sister. He stopped to buy dinner for them and ended up ordering pizza as a take away from their favourite pizza place.

After he locked his car, he opened the front door and heard crying from the living room. His negative side already started working and he imagined the worst scenarios waiting for him, but when he went closer, he only saw Magnus and Izzy, two eaten ice cream cans, and the Notebook playing on the TV.

“Do I want to ask how the two of you got ice cream, or shall I just...” But before he could continue both of them hushed him, and that took him by surprise. He put the pizza on the coffee table in front of them, and joined the two of them. They were watching the last 15 minutes of the movie together while eating pizza and crying. Alec shed a few tears too because even though he arrived at the end of the movie, he already saw it, and knew how it ended.Alec was always emotional when it came to this movie because he wanted to grow old with Magnus, holding his hand while being 50 or even 80. Alec couldn’t imagine it any other way, and neither could Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Alec chose was Chasing cars by Snow Patrol.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SMUT.   
> PLEASE SKIP THE PART UNDER THE LINE IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIE TOPIC.
> 
> Cami I hope you will be satisfied with the wall sex part.
> 
> Enjoy!

Alec was sitting at their kitchen table, with a coffee in his left hand and a pen in his right one. He had been working on a song for his new album for two weeks now, but the words didn’t come like he wanted them to. Mainly because Magnus was calling his name every 5 minutes to inform him that he was bored, and wanted to go somewhere fun. Alec ditched the idea every single time, but he still kept trying, and honestly he was tired of it. Magnus have had a nightmare every day for a week after the first one, and that left them with 5 hours of sleep, which wasn’t enough for Alec or Magnus. But Alec was the one who ended up with circles under his eyes because he ran on five hours of sleep and coffee and work. If he wasn’t at home, he was in a studio, or at a meeting with Lydia and the staff, and he got to the point where he couldn’t focus and just nodded whenever they asked something. He was a walking zombie, and he just wanted to sleep so badly. Thankfully Magnus’ nightmares disappeared on the second week, and they slept 10 hours or more, but nothing lasted for too long because that would be too easy. Magnus started having nightmares again and he just decided not to sleep at all so he didn’t have to live through his dreams again and again, they were too painful. That resulted in Magnus singing around in the house at 4 am in his boxers, while painting some figure above his desk in the work room. It was not that bad, Alec could handle that and sleep a few hours, but when he turned up the music’s volume he got mad and got out of bed to do something productive so he tried to write new lyrics.

This is why Alec was sitting in the kitchen, nearly falling asleep while writing, when Magnus came in and started messaging his shoulders so he could relax. His soft hands felt so good against his skin, working the muscles, making them loose. Magnus leaned closer to his ear and whispered.

“Maybe we should release some stress in the bedroom, my dear.” Alec tensed up under his touch, and stood up from the chair facing Magnus.

“What are you talking about Magnus?” He took a few steps backwards, forming a bigger distance between him and his lover. Magnus looked offended for a few seconds, but it quickly vanished, and he started approaching Alec again.

“Netflix and chill?” He winked, then started kissing his boyfriend’s neck, and god Alec wanted to just give everything to him, but he knew Magnus wasn’t okay. Maybe he seemed fine physically but mentally he was hurt, and he hadn’t slept in 3 days more than four or five hours. Alec was worried. So much that he tried to bring up the possibility of seeing a psychologist, but Magnus just brushed it off, saying he was fine. But Alec knew he wasn’t fine, and seeing him like this made his heart break into a million pieces. He was unable to help, and it made him go crazy.

“Magnus...no...” Alec pushed him away by his chest.

“Alec are you fucking kidding me??? It’s been 7 months since you last touched me. Are you not interested in me anymore? Or what? Because then you can take your fucking ring and shove it up your ass.” His voice was higher by the time he reached the end of his speech, and anger was showing on his face. Alec felt scared because he knew he reacted badly, but he couldn’t do it gently, could he? The words that left Magnus’ mouth hurt so much, but he had to swallow his pride and explain himself.

“Magnus...how could you think that?”

“Then what is it Alec? Tell me please, because I am getting the wrong messages here from you.” He was furious, and Alec started feeling the anger boil in his veins, maybe he should just sleep instead of having this talk. But before he could stop himself, he started speaking.

“You were in a coma for 2 months...TWO fucking months Magnus, then in the hospital for three months. You had a fucking accident, in which you nearly died, in case you forgot, and I know you are saying you feel fine, but you are not fine. You had nightmares for weeks now Magnus, but you are bottling it all up, saying it’s nothing important. You cover it with sarcasm and sex jokes, just like you did when we were in the beginning of our friendship. And it fucking hurts me to see you like that, because I want to help but I just can’t, and it makes me feel useless. It’s not about me not wanting to have sex with you; it’s about not wanting to hurt you. And I am sorry if you don’t appreciate that.” And with that he rushed into their bedroom, closing the door with a loud puff, leaving Magnus to his thoughts. Alec was furious. He was mad at Magnus for this whole nonsense, and then blamed himself for saying all those things, but they just came out somehow and before he could overthink anything, he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Magnus was done with people protecting him from even the wind. It wasn’t only just Alec who acted like he was a porcelain doll. Izzy did the same too, and Catarina, even Raphael and Ragnor were nicer to him, offering him help, and he had enough of this. He was out of hospital. He may have had an accident, but he was fully healed and he had his needs, and if Alec couldn’t see that everything was fine with him, he had to just show him.

He was getting closer step by step to their bedroom and he heard light snoring from inside. He smiled and opened the door, seeing Alec asleep on their bed. He moved closer, and climbed on it as quietly as possible, so his boyfriend wouldn’t wake up. Magnus had a devilish grin on his face while he was watching him peacefully sleeping. He moved his hand to his chest and started caressing it. This made Alec mumble something, but thankfully he didn’t wake up. Magnus moved his hand down now, rolling his T-shirt upwards and touching and kissing his hipbones. Alec moved slightly, bucking up his hips but he stayed asleep, he was having a wet dream probably, this made Magnus smile. His plan would be easier than he expected. When he replaced his kisses on the hipbone with light touches, Alec moved again. Magnus slowly started moving his hand lower into Alec’s sweatpants, and caressed his bulge over the boxers he had one. Alec moaned and Magnus couldn’t hold back his grin. He cupped Alec warmly and started moving his hand, creating a perfect friction with the help of the boxers.

 

Alec woke up to light touches around his private parts, and soon there was a hand cupping his growing hard on, making him wake up immediately. He was still half asleep, so he needed a few minutes to process his surroundings, when the touching hand moved inside his boxers and fingers trailed down the length of Alec’s cock. Alec let out a hiss and moaned when fingers started stroking him slowly and carefully.

“Told ya I was fine” came a voice above him, and that’s when he realised what was happening, and he opened his eyes finding himself face to face with Magnus. He wanted to stop him, but soon the man’s mouth was on his and they started kissing.

“Mag...Magnus...no” Alec pushed away from the kiss and tried to open his mouth again to say how wrong this was, but Magnus stopped him and pushed his chest back, then tightened his fingers around Alec, moving in a slow speed.

“You are already hard, Alexander.” He whispered in his ear, and then started kissing down his lover’s neck and biting his weak spots, then licking them. Alec’s head tripped back and his hips rocked up into Magnus’ hand without his permissions, that encouraged the elder man to speed up his movements, crowning the head with his fingers, teasing the nerves beneath it. Alec screamed in pleasure and he grabbed Magnus’ biceps.

“That’s it my love...Cum for me.” And that was it. Alec reached his orgasm and came so hard he saw stars when he closed his eyes. It took him four minutes to realise what happened. Then he was on his feet, looking at Magnus cleaning his hand in his shirt, then taking it off, throwing it into the corner of the room.

“Magnus what are you doing?” He asked, touching his face in disbelieve.

_What the heck just happened?_

Alec felt so embarrassed; he came like he was a 15 year old teenage boy again. And a few hours ago he was the one who said to Magnus they had to stop, and now he fucking let him do this. Alec was mad at himself and his blood started boiling in his veins, but before he opened his mouth, he rushed out of the bedroom, into the living room, getting closer to the front door. He wanted to escape. Magnus looked so sinful without his shirt on, he was afraid he couldn’t help himself and just have his way with Magnus.

“I just jerked you off and you are running away...”

“It’s not about that Magnus...just...let me leave...” He begged, while he still could restrain his will to jump his fiancé.

“How mature of you...” Magnus rolled his eyes and opened his mouth again, but Alec stopped him.

“You know what is not mature? Me saying we should wait, but you jerking me off while I sleep...now tell me, how mature is that? He asked while looking at his boyfriend with angry stares, hoping he would leave this subject and let him go to cool down, but no. Magnus opened his mouth and Alec just wanted to smash his head on the wall so bad. Magnus was so hot while he was angry, and it didn’t help him.

“Oh...no...You won’t leave.” Magnus said, then rushed to Alec and smashed their lips together. Their kiss was full of need and passion, and all those months without their skins touching they were already getting hard just by this. Alec tried to think, god he tried, but Magnus’ tongue in his mouth were fighting with his, and he couldn’t care less about doing what his brain said. Magnus bit on his bottom lip and it made Alec moan. Soon he found himself pressed up against the wall; he was now trapped between the wall and Magnus’ body. Their groins met, and Magnus moaned into his mouth.

“I missed this so much.” Said the elder man and moved his leg between Alec’s and started moving slowly, grinding against Alec’s leg. The pleasure was so good Alec’s eyes rolled back and his head collided with the wall behind him, but he didn’t care. He stopped caring the minute Magnus kissed him so rough his lips were swollen. Magnus stepped away from him, and when he saw the lustful look in Alec’s eyes he licked his lips. The elder man quickly undressed both of them. He made Alec turn so he was now face to face with the wall and his back was against Magnus’ smooth skin. His head tripped back on Magnus’ shoulder. Seeing this, he leaned in closer and started biting and licking the younger man’s neck, turning him into a moaning mess.

“Part your legs for me, Alexander.” He did what his lover asked, and he felt Magnus’ member slide between his cheeks. He nearly came just by feeling this.

“Open your mouth.” Magnus sank his fingers in his hair and carefully pulled on it while sucking a big hickey on his neck.

Alec felt Magnus’ fingers on his lips and he opened his mouth, sucking on them like it was Magnus’ cock and while he did that Magnus lowered his hand that was in his hair and started stroking Alec, which made him moan around his fingers.

“That’s enough.” He said and then the fingers Alec was sucking on was now teasing his entrance, making him moan and push back. But Magnus didn’t want him in control, so he held him down and started entering him while stroking Alec’s member. Alec was a mess. He was bucking up his hips while pushing back. Magnus was smiling behind him, and kissing his neck. He was pleased with himself for taking Alec apart so fast. He added the second finger, then minutes later the third one, and Alec was now fucking himself on his fingers, moaning and whimpering.

“You should see yourself.” Alec was supporting himself with his two hands on the wall, but his knees were so weak Magnus was the one who held him back from falling.

“For...fuck sake just put it...YEEES.” Alec screamed when Magnus found the bundle of nerves inside his body.

“I didn’t hear that darling.” He slowed down his fingers’ movements, but still touched his prostate with every movement.

“DAMN...Put it in already Magnus. I am ready.” Alec bit on his hands, swallowing all the moans he let out.

Magnus was so hard by that time, he didn’t care about his plan. He smeared his and Alec’s pre-cum on his member, lubing himself up, and then slowly entered the man. Everything felt so sensitive after 7 months that they both moaned out loud. Alec clenched around him, and Magnus had to stop before he came right there from that.

“Move.” Alec ordered and pushed his hips back, encouraging Magnus to start moving, and he gave it to him. He pulled out, and then back in with slow thrusts. And then when Alec started moaning “harder” and “faster” he sped up his movements, fucking him just like he wanted. And when he moved Alec’s legs into a different angle, Alec screamed so loud maybe even the neighbours heard him, but it was so sexy that Magnus just kept pounding into him, hitting his sweet spot dead on. Magnus was close to the edge but he wanted Alec to be there with him, so he said:

“Touch yourself, Alexander.” And he did as Magnus asked. His right hand was around his cock, matching Magnus’ speed, and he was begging for his release.

“Cum for me, Alexander.” Alec stroked himself a few more times before he reached the edge, Magnus following behind.

When they came down from their high, Magnus pulled out and turned Alec towards him, kissing him full on the mouth. And before the younger boy could open his mouth, Magnus hushed him and pulled him towards the bedroom, where they fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Magnus woke up around noon to a cold bed. He stretched his arms out and looked for Alec’s body, hoping his lover would be next to him, smiling at him. But that didn’t happen. He sat up in the bed, looking around the room.  
He was confused where his lover went, so after he put on a pair of boxers, he searched for him in every room of their house. But no matter how many times he called for him, there was no answer.  
Before he could panic, the phone started ringing in the bedroom and he went inside, seeing Lydia’s name on the screen.  
“Magnus...Where is your man? I been trying to reach him for the past 2 hours, but his phone goes to voicemail...” Magnus took a deep breath, chasing away all his bad thoughts about Alec’s well being but panic could be seen on his face. He was worried. What if this time he would be the one who had to see Alec on the edge of dying in a hospital bed.

Alec was sitting in the park he always visited when he needed time to think. There was a beautiful hidden place on the big field, surrounded by big trees and bushes. An old bench –which he was sitting on – faced a beautiful lake with a little bridge above it. This place always calmed his nerves down. There were no people around, and the only noises he could hear were the birds singing and the fish jumping out of the water and then diving in again. Alec felt peace in his heart, but there was a war in his head.  
He was so ashamed for not controlling himself around Magnus and giving in to his needs and desires. He knew how fragile his love was, yet he chose to go after his dick, and he hated himself for this. He wasn’t angry at Magnus, not at all, in fact he understood him. The accident made him weak, and Magnus didn’t like to be seen as a weak person. He wanted to be strong for others, covering his feelings, and God he hated this whole situation so much.   
The last time this happened was when Magnus first told him about his childhood, showing him how much pain and grief he was carrying around. Since then their relationship never went back to hiding feelings from each other. They always shared what was on their mind, but now Magnus put up a wall around him. He was telling him how everything was fine and he recovered from the accident, but his lover didn’t see himself after a bad nightmare at 3 am. He didn’t see the way his eyes showed fear and loneliness and Alec was useless, he couldn’t do anything other than holding him and that wasn’t enough this time. He wanted to take away all the pain Magnus had to carry around these days. He wanted to hug him so long half of the pain would transfer to his body, making it easier for his love, but that was impossible.  
Alec took a deep breath, trying to control his thoughts before he started crying again.   
On the way to the park he already let the feelings go by crying so hard people looked at him worriedly, but he didn’t care. He answered no one, just headed to his spot. And now that he was sitting here, he felt emptiness and powerlessness consume his body and mind.   
Maybe he should just go home and talk this out instead of vanishing and leaving Magnus all on his own, but he couldn’t look in his eyes right now.

Magnus was phoning everyone, Izzy, Jace, Ragnor even Raphael asking if they’ve heard from Alec in the past hours, but the answer was always no and he started getting worried by every minute that passed. He was walking around in the living room, hoping for the front door to open.  
It was an hour later, when finally the door opened and Alec was taking his jackets and shoes off, his back to Magnus, not seeing his lover’s worried expression that turned into anger in seconds.  
‘Alexander Gideon Lightwood...’

After three hours figuring out his thoughts and feelings, Alec got tired and started walking back to their home with lazy steps, not caring about his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jacket for the 20th time. It was probably Magnus, and he would be home in less than 5 minutes anyways.  
The walk back was faster than he imagined and he carefully opened the front door, sneaking in, taking off his jacket and shoes, when a voice came from the living room.  
‘Alexander Gideon Lightwood...What made you disappear for hours?’ Magnus’ voice wasn’t gentle. It was deep and full of anger. Alec flinched under the sound, knowing this wouldn’t end well. Maybe he should have stayed at home.  
‘I was out for a walk...’  
‘A walk? ...FOR 4 HOURS?’ Alec turned around, his eyes met with Magnus’ green ones, fire inside of them could be seen.   
‘I...I needed time...to think.’ Magnus opened his mouth, but before he could say anything he closed it, throwing his phone on the couch and leaving the room in a rush.  
Alec headed after Magnus, trying to talk to him but his fiancé was so angry that he didn’t want to hear any of his apologies.  
‘Not now Alec. I’m mad. We will talk when we are both thinking straight.’ And this sentence boiled Alec’s blood, and he started speaking before he could stop himself.  
‘You are mad? YOU ARE MAD!!! I should be the one being mad at you...’  
‘FOR WHAT?’ He put the glass in the sink, turning his back to Alec while waiting for his explanation.  
‘For weeks now you been having nightmares again and shutting me out, not letting me help you. But then you go and seduce me, and fuck me against the wall even though I said no.’  
‘You said no???? Are you....Did you forget how hard you were begging for it Alec?... You haven’t touched me since ages, and I craved you. Whenever you pushed me away I felt like someone was ripping me to pieces. I felt like you would start pushing me away so hard that one day I will wake up, and you won’t be next to me ever again because of a stupid accident or a nightmare. Because you realised that maybe it is easier with....without me...’ Magnus eyes were filled with tears, but he didn’t cry, he tried not to. His voice was shaky and his legs barely supported his weight, so he had to grab the counter.

Alec was tearing up, looking at his boyfriend’s back, his muscles tensed and voice shaky. Alec realised how hurt he was actually, and when those sentences left his mouth Alec wanted to hit himself so hard for making Magnus feel like that.  
‘Magnus...’ He whispered.  
‘Is this the part when you say sorry and leave me?’ He could barely make out the words. But when his brain processed what his lover was saying, his legs started acting on their own and walking towards Magnus. He circled his arms around the elder man’s body and hugged him so tight he was afraid he would hurt him. Alec started kissing his shoulder, hushing him when he started crying. They were standing there for hours, maybe days, when Magnus’ tears stopped falling and only sobbing was left behind. Alec put his chin on his shoulder, bringing their bodies closer to each other, afraid to let go of each other.  
‘I never wanted to leave you Mags. I wanted to help you because I saw you weren’t okay. I pushed you away because I knew you were hurt, not physically but mentally, and nothing seemed to help. I didn’t want to use you.’   
‘Ohh Alexander...’ Magnus turned around, facing his boyfriend, curling his arms around his neck and bringing him closer, their foreheads touching.  
‘I love you Magnus Bane. So much I could never leave your side. I just tried to protect you so hard, I ended up pushing you away. I’m sorry.’ He kissed his forehead lightly, and then his cheeks, and then his lips.  
‘I love you too, and I think I should be the one saying sorry for seducing you and acting on my impulses. I was just worried, and I haven’t slept for days because I keep having those nightmares. And they won’t leave me.’ Alec looked deep in his eyes, and without a word Magnus knew he wanted to hear the stories he kept seeing in his sleep, and even awake now. He kept it bottled up so long they were haunting him even when he was awake, mostly when he had nothing to do. That’s why he always made sure he was doing something, even if that meant gardening or singing in his boxers at three o’ clock in the morning.  
Alec put his hands on his cheeks, making him look up again into his eyes.  
‘Tell me, please...’ Magnus took a deep sigh, and let it all out.  
He was stuttering in the beginning, too afraid to pull those dreams out of the place he locked them up, and it hurt him so much. They were so painful. He kept dreaming about the accident, but it always had different endings. Sometimes he died and looked down at Alec from above, seeing him suffering and crying himself to sleep every night. Sometimes it was Magnus causing the accident and killing the other driver whose face was Alec’s. It was never the same, and it kept haunting his so much he could no longer sleep, but only stay awake.  
‘Everything is fine Magnus. We are okay now’ He kissed him on his lips and pulled him into a tight hug. They didn’t let go of each other for hours, just standing there and drinking in each other’s presence.   
It was the most intimate moment between the two of them in months.

2 months later

Magnus realised how emotionally and mentally unstable he was, and with the help of Alec he sought help and visited a psychologist two times a week, slowly processing his past and solving his problems by digging deeper and finding out new things about himself. Alec was always there by his side and supported him no matter what. They fought a few times since that day when their walls trembled down, but after a few hours of alone time they always made up and continued where they left off.  
Alec was back in the studio, recording his new album and everyone was so pleased with the songs he wrote that it only took them a few weeks to fully record them, and the rest was up to the guys he was working with. Lydia was so proud of her friend when she sent him on a holiday, saying Magnus and him needed some alone time before the chaos that would happened.   
That’s how Alec ended up walking home with two plane tickets to Rome. He couldn’t wait to see Magnus’ reaction when he saw that they would finally visit one of his favourite cities. He smiled when he spotted his boyfriend sitting on the couch typing fast on his laptop, probably writing his next blog post about the latest fashion trends, which were so crazy Alec only laughed at them.  
‘Hey babe, I’m home’ He said while hanging up his coat.  
‘Hey. Izzy bought some food. Apparently it was cooked by Lydia, but smelling it I think she made those so just be careful.’ He didn’t look up from his laptop for a second while saying this. Alec laughed and sat down next to him, taking the laptop out of his hands and putting it on the coffee table next to his legs that were resting on the top of it.  
‘Darling, I was working...’ Magnus said confused.   
‘I know, but I have a surprise for you.’ He smiled, and Magnus arched his eyebrows. Alec pulled out the two tickets he had in his hands, and put them in Magnus lap. The elder man wanted to ask what those were, when he saw the word Rome.  
‘OH MY GOOOOD. IS THIS A PLANE TICKET TO ROME?’ He was always hyped when he saw a chance to travel, this time wasn’t different either. They hadn’t been anywhere since his accident, and he started getting bored. Magnus put the tickets on the table and jumped onto Alec’s lap, kissing the man full on his mouth.  
‘I...I thought we could use some resting and alone time.’ Alec said, and went back kissing his man again.

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the beta work Cami and all the yelling you did for five minutes <3.

Magnus and Alec spent two weeks in Rome, visiting all the places they wanted to see and also relaxing in the sauna or by the pool. They both needed this alone time so much. When the last days came, Magnus started begging Alec for them to stay a few more days. And God Alec wanted to give in to his wishes and ran away for a few more days, but he had to go home and finish the last touches on his album, otherwise Lydia would come to Italy by herself and drag them home. Magnus pouted all the way home, and gave him the silent treatment. Alec knew he wasn’t mad actually, so he let him live his feelings now and he turned to his phone looking through the news while waiting for their plan to take off.

‘You know what I realised?’ Magnus said, while picking in his nail polish on his left fingers.

‘He speaks...’ The elder man only gave him an ‘Are you kidding me look’ and if they weren’t on a plane right now he would probably walk away from him.

‘I’ll just keep it to myself then...’ He sighed and turned back to his nails. Alec put away his phone and grabbed his hands kissing Magnus’ knuckles.

‘Sorry babe. What were you thinking about?’

‘I realised that with the accident we never actually...got married’ He touched the ring on his left hand, slowly turning it around, and Alec followed his every movement. Magnus was right. With the accident, the recovering and the fighting, they completely forgot about the most important thing...getting married.  Alec leaned in closer and started kissing Magnus’ jawline, then his cheeks and between each kiss he answered Magnus.

‘How...’ kiss ‘ about....we....get...married...next spring...at the beach...’ And Magnus wanted to cry. He spent two lovely and sexually active weeks with his angelic boyfriend, who was now suggesting they should get married next year on the beach, which had always been the elder man’s dream.

Alec didn’t hear an answer from his fiancé, so he stopped giving kisses to his cheeks and looked up at his boyfriend whose eyes were filled with tears, and they started slowly falling down his cheeks.

‘I love you Alexander.’

‘I love you too.’

 

 

When Alec thought about marriage and wedding he certainly wasn’t expecting it would be such a big pain in the ass, and not that kind of pain he liked to feel. After they got back from their holiday, Lydia attacked him with all the new tour dates and concerts he needed to do and he was already tired from them, but at least he was doing what he always wanted to do and he helped others with his music. Magnus seeing that Alec would be mostly away for the rest of the year, spending only Christmas and New Years’ Eve at home, decided to turn to Izzy for help taking this extra burden from his boyfriend’s shoulder. Magnus and Izzy spend hours together nearly every second day, talking about the wedding and the reservation. It was Izzy who made this whole thing work, because without her Magnus would probably be a wreck by now. They planned everything perfectly and they booked a beautiful spot at the beach in May and the hotel rooms the guest would need. Alec said in advance that he only wanted close family members and friends there, and Magnus agreed on this, so there were less than 30 people on the list, and it was perfectly okay for both of them.

Alec started touring a few days ago, and Magnus was left alone in the big house with all his thoughts and worries about the wedding and what if nothing will turn out the way he wanted to. He felt like one of those girls in reality TV shows who always bitch about everything before their wedding. He took a deep breath and put on some movie so there will be background noise while he was painting his nails. He was nearly done with his pinky finger when the phone next to him started ringing and he saw Alec’s name on the screen. He had a toothy grin on his face and answered the call.

‘Hello darling.’

‘Hello Magnus. How things going at home? Is Izzy still there rambling about wedding and how I will faint when I see you?’ Magnus could hear him giggling at the end of the sentence. The elder man chuckled.

‘No love. She is gone. I am all alone in this big house, overthinking this wedding more than I should.’

‘How about we release some stress...it’s boring here too and I miss you so much.’ Alec was whining in the phone like a baby, not used to being separated from Magnus after 8 months.

Magnus chuckled and answered.

‘Phone sex is not happening, darling. I finished painting my nails and they are not dry yet.’

‘You are no fun.’ Said Alec and changed the subject. They talked about their day and how much they missed each other, when Lydia smacked Alec on the head for phoning again instead of rehearsing the songs for the concert. They said their goodbyes after Magnus promised Alec he will be sleeping next to him again in a few days.

 

Alec was tired from all the concerts he had to make, and he was lacking on sleep since the elder man wasn’t beside him, cuddling him and stroking his hair. He missed having another body pressed up against his side. On the day it was planned for Magnus to arrive, Alec was so hyper he forgot the lyrics several times during rehearsal and made Lydia really mad with this, but she couldn’t be angry. She understood it because she knew what it was like to be in love.

Two hours before the plane landed Alec was sitting at the airport waiting for his man to arrive, and when he did Alec’s smile was so wide nothing could wipe it off his face. He pulled Magnus in a tight hug and gave him a passionate kiss, making himself semi-hard in his pants. Magnus just laughed and suggested they should head to his hotel room before things got carried away right there.

The moment Magnus closed the door behind himself he heard Alec throwing the suitcases on the floor, the next thing he knew was that his back was pressed against the wooden door and the younger man was kissing him so hungrily it made him let out a lustful moan. Magnus wanted to push the man away, but when he started unbuttoning his silk shirt he gave up on forming the words he wanted to say and let his lover undress him.

 

* * *

 

**_5 months later_ **

****

Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane got married during the most beautiful time of the year, by the sea while the waves were washing the rocks on the sea side. The sunset was colouring the sky red and purple, painting a beautiful landscape behind Alec and Magnus as they shared their first kiss as husbands. Everyone was clapping and when they turned around to face the family and friends they invited, Alec could see Izzy next to him, tearing up and smiling just like Jace did, and he grabbed his husband’s hand, guiding him down from the isle with a big smile on his face. He never felt happier.

 

* * *

 

Magnus was packing away the remaining clothes from the suitcase after they got back from their honeymoon in Hawaii with tanned skin and from Alec’s side with a really really bad sunburn. He was cursing all the way home about how wearing everything hurt him, and Magnus just giggled because Alec looked like a lobster and he found it pretty funny. Everyone at home thought the same when they first saw Alec after 2 weeks of relaxing and enjoying their first weeks as newly married couple. However life quickly found them again, and before Alec could blink he was back in the studio, working on his new album and going on meetings with singers he wanted to collaborate with, so the packing was left for Magnus. He tried to avoid it for days, but they seemed to be always in their way while doing daily tasks, so he started unpacking them. He was done in less than an hour and decided to do some work on his laptop, when he realised that’s not going to happen since on the last day of the honeymoon something went wrong with it, and he completely forgot to take it to the service.

He took a deep sigh and remembered that he had to send the critics about the latest spring trend tomorrow, since its due time. Magnus went to their bedroom and found Alec’s laptop on the table, thanking the gods above for Alec not taking it with him, maybe this way he could finish the article and not get fired. Magnus always kept a copy of his work on his google drive so his ass was saved again, thanks to technology. He turned on the laptop and saw Alec’s background was a picture of them in front of the Colosseum kissing from last year’s holiday in Italy. He smiled at the memory and before he could get all nostalgic, he opened the browser. What he saw made him froze in the middle of his movement to click on the + sign to open a new window. It was a page for adoption, and there were children smiling on the site’s header. Magnus jaw probably hit the floor by this time, but he couldn’t care. All he saw was this page.

Adoption page to be specific. T

he last thing Alec was looking at was a site with child adopting information.

He slowly started to come back from the shock, the blood in his veins running around normally again. He wanted to turn this thing off, but his curiosity got him and before he could change his mind he was looking for comments about the organisation, and everyone had a positive feedback about them. What made him smile even more was that there were same sex parents smiling with children on pictures, saying thanks to the organisation for helping them become a family and telling how much joy was brought by their adopted children. He gasped and put a hand on his mouth while tears started filling his eyes. They weren’t sad ones, they were happy ones from the knowledge that Alec considered having a baby with him, raising a baby, maybe babies together.

He kept on looking for more information, completely forgetting about the work he needed to do.

  

Magnus never brought up what he found on his husband’s laptop to Alec. He was waiting for him to mention the possibility of adopting a child, but after two weeks of silence he saw that his Alexander probably wouldn’t bring the topic up, so he decided to give a few hints.

First he started with them walking around in parks, accidently the ones with playgrounds, and he always ended up talking with mothers or fathers about their children and saying to Alec how he admired that little girl who came up to him and hugged him, but nothing happened. So he started leaving magazines around the house. Magazines that had anything to do with babies. He even fucking bought a book about parenting, and left if it out in the open for Alec to see, but nothing. It was like his husband didn’t even have a brain to process all the hints. He was about to give up hope when an idea struck in his mind and he quickly changed into normal clothes, put up some make up, kissed Alec goodbye and went to shop in the mall.

 

Alec was typing fast on his laptop, a work related thing he needed to do today, and he tried to shut the word out of his mind so he could work without anything disturbing him. He was spread out on the couch for the past two hours and Magnus was walking around the house, doing the laundry and picking up the mess Alec left since he got home yesterday late at night and was deep in work today. He didn’t even know when Magnus kissed his cheeks and left to go shopping. He lost track of the time and just as he was about to finish his work, the front door opened and Magnus started calling for Alec.

 

Magnus was inside their house in a blink of an eye, too excited to rehears what he would say to his husband, who was sitting in the same position as he left him an hour ago. He called Alec’s name a few times, trying to get the man’s attention, but failing every time. He stood in front of him, behind the coffee table where Alec´s laptop were, and he pulled out a little white pair of shoes from the bag he held. He looked at his boyfriend, waiting for an answer, but his last hint was a failure again. Alec’s eyes never left the laptop’s screen and he started getting more impatient and angry with his lover.

‘Alexander...Can you look up and say what do you think?’ He got a nod and silent humming sound from him, but the fucking screen was more important to him so he didn’t even try to look up at Magnus.

_Patience._

‘Alexander...please.’ Alec took a deep sigh and stopped typing on the keyboard to look up at him.

‘Yes?’

‘What do you think?’ he showed the shoes again for Alec to see. Although he tried really hard, he could find no answer to why Magnus was holding a little pair of shoes, and then it hit him.

‘Magnus...did you drunk ordered again from EBay? Chairman already has enough weird stuff...why would yo...?’ But before he could finish his sentence, he saw Magnus face turn to red and before he could say anything Magnus threw the objects towards him and left him with a _‘Screw you Alec’_.

Alec completely got out of the working mood, so he put the laptop down from his lap and looked at his left, finding the things Magnus threw at him a few minutes ago. He grabbed the two little shoes and wondered when was Magnus drunk enough to order shoes for Chairman, which were probably bigger than the cat’s paws and there weren’t more than two.He was thinking on that question, when suddenly realization hit him.

_Baby shoes._

These were baby shoes.

Alec’s heart stopped beating for a moment, then started working so fast he was afraid he would have a heart attack. Alec lowered the white shoes onto his lap and tried to figure out why Magnus brought these. He didn’t remember saying anything about it to Magnus. He wanted to find the special moment to bring this subject up. He wanted to make sure he knew enough about this stuff. He even opened a few sites to look for information and...and just like that, Alec knew how Magnus might have found out. He could recall a moment a few weeks ago, when Magnus said he needed to use his laptop for his article because he was still too lazy to take his broken laptop to the services.Magnus probably knew it since weeks, and Alec never felt stupider in his life for not seeing the signs of it. How he could miss all the hints he was making?Alec took a deep sigh again and wandered in their bedroom where Magnus was sitting on their bed, looking at the wardrobe in front of him with a sad expression, and Alec wanted to punch himself.

‘Magnus...’He failed to say what he wanted so badly.

‘You are such an idiot, Alec. I’ve been trying to tell you I want a baby too for like three weeks now, and you just completely missed the signs each fucking time. You don’t want one anymore?’ Magnus looked at him with his sad greenish puppy eyes, and Alec’s heart melted. How could he think he stopped wanting a family with him?

Before Alec could stop himself, he was laughing out loud at his own craziness and Magnus hit his biceps, not finding it as funny as Alec did.

‘I would adopt 10 children with you if that’s what you want.’ And he kissed his husband long and lovingly, making Magnus forgot about the past weeks.

‘We are going to be dads?’ Magnus asked like he couldn’t believe this was happening to him.

‘We are going to be dads.’

They never thought they would ever feel happier than on their wedding day, but when they brought home Raphael Lightwood-Bane their opinion changed. That was the happiest day of their life.

The day when they started their own family.

 

 

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the last chapter of Darling, just hold on. Thank you for all the comments and kudos you left after reading this fanfiction.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and yell at me on Twitter @malectraash or https://curiouscat.me/malectraash


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